For Donavan Glynn

Manure pile--April 19, 2008 How much of this description of what it takes to be a zookeeper in in England in 1930 is appropriate in the field today?
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE A ZOOKEEPER WHEN:

after work, all you attract are flies

your tan lines wash off

your pets greet your shoes and not you

all your pants have stains where you wipe your hands

you never shake hands without brushing your hands on your pants

you walk with a limp because of all the tools on your belt

your snot is black and not clear

you get really excited about a good solid poop

you spend all your vacations visiting other zoos

half your kitchen equipment and a good portion of your kids' toys end up at the zoo

you will eat most anything from the animal cooler as a snack

you don't even notice that you smell until you get into the car with the windows rolled up to go home

you think nothing of pulling off ticks while in line at the local fast-food place

you have two closets...one for work and one for the real world

you have more photos of your animal kids than of your friends

you wash your hands thoroughly BEFORE using the toilet

you politely decline to shake hands because you know WHERE your hands have been

you eagerly shake hands because YOU KNOW where you hands have been

the word "shit" is not a bad word

new rakes and shovels are more exciting than diamonds

you can be bribed to do anything for chocolate cake

you sit on a clothes dryer for warmth

over lunch the discussion involves the consistency of feces

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Manure pile--July 18, 2008 I really enjoy old pictures of keepers and there charges. It was a special part of the zoo field, which sadly has all but disappeared.
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the casserole at the Christmas party reminds someone of an animals discharge and you eat it anyway

you lock any and every door behind you

when you go to lunch with coworkers and you realize that everyone at nearby tables asks to be moved because of what you are discussing

your most cherished gift is a Leatherman Super Tool

you shop the toy section in Wal-Mart and you don't have kids, you have monkeys

a three day weekend means the ground in dirt on your hands is gone

you leave a trail of hay everywhere you go

you check to see which way the wind is blowing before dumping anything

you can make water run uphill, because architects believe all drains should be in the highest corner

taking off your boots at night is better than...well, just about anything

talk of animals' feces does not gross you out while eating

your pants and shoes are tan instead of white

perfume is offensive while bodily smells are not

you are not phased by a fecal sample in the fridge next to your lunch.…

you have no pictures of you without animals in them too

you can identify which species a fecal originated from by smell

you're routinely tested for internal parasites

your favorite smells are bleach and disinfectant

your pets aren't the only ones that receive a rabies shot

you look better when you wake up than when you get off of work

you have scars to prove it.

you use an ice chipper as a prying tool

a lock as a hammer

your radio doubles as a handy hose-rest

Hair-ties are also good temporary rubber washers.

friends and family get concerned you are in an abusive relationship because of the number of bruises you have all over your body and the fact that it takes so long to try and remember how you got them.

when all it takes to feel sexy is to not have feces on you.

when you can fall in a pile of poop and laugh it off but if your hose stays kinked for more than 2 seconds while you are hosing you go postal!!

when it's normal for you to have to wash your clothes at least twice to get them clean

when rainy days are the best days, but the day after rainy days are the worst

when you can name more animals than friends

you aren't intentionally showing your underwear, your radio and tools on your belt just happen to pull your pants down

people in the normal world say you have the mouth of a "trucker" or "sailor" and you happen to come up with non-cuss words to replace them because you realize that the public is watching you

you have eaten things off the floor in your area, after you have logically thought about it and use the 10 second rule

You have tasted the food your animals eat

You sometimes wear a face mask but you aren't in the medical field…you have monkeys and are sick

You use duct tape for EVERYTHING!

You have extra socks at work for when the hose springs yet another leak

You don't need to work out because your job is hard enough

You can carry a full 5 gallon bucket of water without spilling a drop

you have sleded on the shovels at work

You think it is funny to through feces (with the rake) while raking at a co-worker

You have been electrocuted by the hot wire..that keeps the Giraffe in

It is normal to get bit or chased by an animal...sometimes daily.

you ask people if they want to see a picture of your baby, and they look at you funny when it's something furry, or feathered, or scaly, etc...

You can hold your tongue (and laughter) when the public asks some of their questions. Gotta LOVE the public.

You sometimes feel like MacGyver because of half the stuff you have built from odds n ends.

you have more uses for hay string then duct tape.

you go to the Doctor and while in the waiting room a nurse who you never met asks what animal tried to eat you this time.

Courtesy of Stefan Grossmann